and so as usual i did a hiatus from writing because i got distracted by other things which included planning a five week long holiday after i quit my job. that all panned out pretty well, and i have just had one of the most memorable holidays ever.
while the intention was to really get away from it all and have fun, i think i realized now that getting it together is an almost impossible task for me. in the five weeks that i was away, i have only skipped alcohol for three days. i have not watched what i ate at all and i don't even recall a single night that i prayed before going to bed (i think i did ask that i not die during the helicopter ride.. that was pretty much it). i might have done some other things too that will not get anybody's approval as lady of the year, and as much as i didn't care about anything at that point in time, i look back now with a hint of disappointment for doing things that were unnecessary. like slapping a guy at the club, because i was being righteous albeit in a house of jiggling and grinding flesh. maybe that was me somehow saying "i'm here, but i'm not like that". or making so much fun of a person who was unluckily blessed with something extra on her face. it was ridiculously funny, yes, but perhaps at some point it should have gotten old and we should have cut her some slack.
see, all these reflections after the misdoings sound rather righteous. i seem to feel apologetic and lacking and you would assume this is positive. but then any time soon, some thing will come by again. like another holiday. or another friend who wants to have a good laugh. or another boring night. anything mundane really - and then it's back to old, mean, me. it obviously does not take much to pull me out of the high horse.
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