too much in two years

wow. may 2013 was my last blog entry. so much has happened after that. 

a month before i went to china, i met the man of my dreams. i never found blonde boys very attractive, but he was sporting a skinhead then so i didn't really notice it much. we hit it off rather quickly, and by the time i was in china we'd been exchanging messages and doing skype calls regularly. when i came back to singapore he also decided to end his journey in malaysia to be with me. he wanted to make things 'official'. he started referring to me as his girlfriend.

by august while on a short vacation in dubai, i found out i was pregnant. our wonderful little prince said hello to the world towards the end of march the year after. everybody in the family were overjoyed. honey was too young to be a dad, but he embraced fatherhood like a pro and when i look at their photos together, i saw nothing but joy and love. my boys. i started another blog which i called 'cinderella stops wandering' because finally i was home. even though honey and i intended to travel a lot, it is more to explore the world than wandering to find ourselves.

sadly, fate had other plans for our family. daddy went to heaven shortly after our son turned 7 months and i am once again alone but this time in so much misery. my son is keeping me strong, i know i have to be, for his sake. and while i am still finding ways to cope with my loss, i know that one thing honey would have wanted me to do is to keep going. there are a million questions that will be unanswered and there is probably no point trying to find them. but perhaps i will have to wander again to find my peace.

honey left behind a big bucket list - and while i think it will take a lot of faith to finish every single one of them on my own - my mission is to cross off as much as i can. 

and so. i am a wandering cinderella once more.
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for hon. i will wander and write again. without you, but for you.